Sianzzz
Yeah seriously damn sick of being caught in dilemmas all the time, damn sick of making wrong decisions, damn sick of facing the same problems, damn sick of being 18 years old, damn sick of being a teenager/young adult, damn sick of staying at the same damn position for so long.
Woah, okay pause I know I should be grateful for all I have, I know I should appreciate the many gifts I’m blessed with, I should be thankful for simply being a fortunate and healthy kid. But sometimes I just can’t bring myself to do it, I can’t. And I hate myself for that, I hate myself for being so unappreciative and being such an arrogant and ignorant brat.
I keep complaining that I’m tired, yes like I know what exactly it’s like to go through hardship right. But at this point in time with so many things going on, I feel so damn lost. I lose my drive so fast, I seem to forget to keep the end in mind, it’s as if I’m giving up as soon as I see an obstacle.
Tell me then how to not give up ah. How to balance everything? I totally suck at this. How ironic, uh? after all these years I’m still so lousy at juggling my life.
Heartache ah. So damn painful, have you felt it before or not? Feel like crying also no tears come out. Man, do I sound like some emo ah lian, but seriously I feel so drained.
Say so much also no use. (HAHAHA, I’m a true singaporean siol) Yes, maybe a small tiny part of my burden has been uplifted but nothing has changed.
First and foremost, I should probably stop giving myself excuses. I should probably stop whining and complaining about my life. I should probably do some goal setting and plan my damn life. I should probably be stronger than I am right now. I should probably start using my brain for the right reasons and the right way. I should probably stand on my own two feet and scream to the world that “I’ve got to be independent, do you have a problem with that?!?”.
What happened to me? Fighter, no more?
Conclusion: Decide for your own life la, wle so old still so lame.
Heart Vacancy?
